A Poetry Reading Love After Love by Derek Walcott {thanks to my commentator – The Sunrise Lover}
There is a pleasure in the pathless woods,
There is a rapture on the lonely shore,
There is society, where none intrudes,
By the deep sea, and music in its roar:
I love not man the less, but Nature more.
– Lord Byron (Extracted this Gem from the post written by adorable creature – Rakesh. His review of “Into the Wild”)
….I want to burst into tears…I want to burst open the windows and cry out loud to the skies. At times, grief that’s felt is so deep and personal that it can’t be explained through tears. Life, though engrossing, scares me sometimes, especially, through those “Disruptions”, which make me realise how unknowingly, yet willingly I have become so “helplessly dependent on someone”, who I’ve never met, and with who there would be no chance encounters. People say it’s quite exciting, it’s unique, it’s almost like a full-time commitment that’s understood and completely imbibed into the system. I could not but agree with this view. The thorny limitations run down my face, and it’s dreary. Life is shared in terms of “Daily Headlines” with the face-less stranger, honestly and religiously, and secretly desire for the same kind of transmission from his side, which usually does not happen, and I, the tough-petite creature, do not see it as a factor that causes a sensory dissonance. It does hurt me, sometimes, when I have to walk, determined and stern, through an exclusive cubicle that focuses my life in a hypercritical manner, at the end of which I find self entangled in layers of painful realisations. Life is devoid of music, fun and excitement, longing kisses on lips, on nape, long and hard bites on the cheeks. A constant movement has to be sustained without losing my heart to someone who I come across on splendid journeys, long walks have to be maintained with a gritty frown on my brow and when a rebellious mood strikes at me, I have to stare at the spiels of rationalisation & justifications that are pinned up against the wall. Its Tough to be in love with, to stay engaged with someone – a faceless stranger. Unusually long sequences of silence are celebrated on the window sill – a silent performance about inexplicable physical suffering. You may conclude that I am a loser, but I consider it as a great human effort to stay committed to something that lives, breathes on carefully structured strings of words, a firmly held belief about a possibility & an encounter in the breast, a gentle effort to wear a child-like curiosity and innocence about a world that appears so familiar, yet so far away and out of reach, a comforting interpretation of a hopeless world. I can feel the self-pity seeping between the lines, reaching out to the teary-rendition crawling across my cheeks. And I cannot forget the most essential behavioural possibility that the faceless stranger could terminate the conversations across the wall just as easily and effortlessly as he had started them. The fear is excruciatingly painful, its intensity changes every day, some days it is dull, some days it’s just a plain pain that throbs around in every corner. I may be ignorant in many ways, but I am not stupid. What keep me going in this daily game are the dialogues that I have with him and with myself. They are Pure, Genuine and Raw, devoid of any manipulative or deceptive acts.
12 comments
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April 26, 2008 at 8:06 pm
--Sunrise--
Why am I reminded of Derek Walcott’s Love After Love, whilst reading this? Hmm.. not a clue!
What doesn’t kill you, can only make you stronger.. somehow.. somehow. 🙂
April 27, 2008 at 5:21 am
jyothsnay
🙂
thank you. Derek Walcott’s Love After Love is a masterfully crafted poem..have u seen this ?
The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
And say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was yourself.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
– Derek Walcott’s Love After Love
I wrote this post previous night cause I was feeling really lonely, bitter yet gentle about life (it was a weird mix of feelings)…n I had Sylvia Plath
in my mind when I was being at it.
April 27, 2008 at 6:17 am
Pradeep
are you fine? am worried.
April 27, 2008 at 4:15 pm
anonymous
…….Your fearful caresses were more treacherous
Than the northern night,
More intoxicating than the golden champagne of Aï,
Briefer than a gypsy woman’s love…
try to catch up with Kunal Basu’s Japanese wife? such exotic encounters with strangers do happen….
hope u r feeling better nw…love
April 27, 2008 at 11:36 pm
--Sunrise--
Yes I’ve seen it before, but it was such a long time ago… thank you for showing it to me again. (Oh and I notice the reference to me in the post.. :D) You’re right – Love After Love is wonderful, isn’t it? Fills me with life. I love the video too – very reflective of what the poem is about… new horizons.. new beginnings.. a new sunrise? 🙂
I know that feeling – of being lonely, bitter yet gentle about life (so nicely put, by the way!) – … have your tears found their way to the ocean yet? 🙂
April 28, 2008 at 5:38 am
Richard
I loved reading this piece. Like a contemporary reality, which constructs a body of pain and sadness with indistinct boundaries of pleasure. is that a look of hope or a look of sadness? u stayed firm and seemed to have handled in a more controlled manner
honest caricature of naturally and genuinely felt emotions. and be strong
🙂
April 28, 2008 at 12:32 pm
jyothsnay
Prady
I am not feeling well right now and am very sick with a few throat, fever related things that go away soon and with some other unpleasant development that will take some more time to heal 😦
Anonymous
that’s a beautiful set..which poem is this from?
yes, I did read Japanese wife, n interestingly found many similarities in my recent interactions with someone…well, of course, in Japanese wife, a high degree of commitment n concern/care expressed at every point of time, consistently….n I am benumbed by the end….yes, i did feel the fear what the protagonist felt…but…
Sunrise girl
some vaguely defined pain crawls down the walls….
Richard
thank you.Do I truly deserve that rigorously passed comment like yours….gosh, dont make me feel better..cause I dnot want to.
April 29, 2008 at 7:20 am
Mukund
………I don’t think he or rather anybody is worth the effort. If he cannot respect you, being a woman of immense self-esteem, I don’t think he deserves your time either. I dont think he has the right to generally play with emotions. He cant keep switching between nice guy – not so nice guy – nice guy identities. I dont think, even if he writes back, you should forgive him. Yes, there’s an intellectual connect and stuff, but at the end of the day who is this guy. A nobody. You cant put a nobody above you. I think you have bigger responsibilities and things to do in life rather than ponder over some guy’s mental fluctuations. Think about your mom. Think about your career, you are doing well. You cant be a person on the run. Exploit the system rather than let the system exploit you. I’m sure at the end of it all, it’ll all be fine at all ends. Just remember, everything is always in your control.
Cheers,
Mukund
April 30, 2008 at 2:06 am
Prady
It’s beyond a man-woman equation, suppressed (willingly) Vs supressor (the dominator) in an interaction. if i consider it as a regular interaction between two individuals, there should be a substantial level of respect, otherwise it does not last long and there are always situations one feels pinched. what’s the use of being so intelligent if a man does not even meet the basic requirement of respecting a woman as an individual, especially, the one who he is having a playful, non-commital interaction.
I have seen you continuously being exploited by intelligent men, I have seen you being responsible n intelligent at work, have seen you emerging strong after each hurt, much stronger.
everyone realises a good fact about you – how wonderful human you are, how tenderly loving you are, how innocent & non-manipulative you are (most women have certain agenda), only after the damage.
you are like a sweet little woman (with a childish charm) and you stay beautiful even in your pain, as one can see in your words
April 30, 2008 at 2:52 am
jyothsnay
🙂
Mukund – that’s indeed a *Cannes winner* talk..phew, what a spiel! ye, ye, valid points,considered.
But trust me, this’s the first time ever in my life I thouroughly enjoyed a journey through words with someone. he is brutal, arrogant, brilliantly realistic yet gentle….love that kind of lethal combination in a man. It’s been a truly great words-driven interaction with him, which never ever had any worldly, materialistic world’s desires, man to woman expectations..it’s been just a subtle glimpse into each other’s life, how little little things that we all do everyday become more meaningful and richer when they are shared with someone….it’s a genuine communication! am glad that I experienced it, which most others die for…it’s not about meeting in the evening, pubbing, enjoying physical intimacy..it stays above all that with a huge tinge of longing. Man, you need to be there to feel the beauty of it…here comes, the Planner who vies with the Creatively gifted kid 🙂
Prady
yewwwwwwwww…you love me!
🙂
will pack my bags to London
May 3, 2008 at 6:58 am
Alex
beautifully expressed. For many, sharing a state of unhappiness, a trance-like state of gloominess and emptiness with the rest, is not an appealing thing.
May 4, 2008 at 2:44 am
|| Zorba || The Half Clear Wordict
that was some words, JO!
made me think. cry. laugh. think. chuckle. shiver. and lot more.
hugs
ZO
ps:http://lonesomemusic.blogspot.com/