A sharp incompatibility between men and women, the most celebrated versions of Adam and Eve, in various kinds of situations, amuses me. “Misunderstood”, “Misinterpreted”, “I did not understand”, etc etc are the statements thrown around to demonstrate this partially mitigated evil repeatedly. It is one of those mysterious things in the world that are misunderstood with unmatchable fervor. And the population of humans who consider themselves intelligent by feigning ignorance about this ever-troubling menace is quite large, thus rendering how deep is this mysterious thing that sleeps between man and woman, that walks hand-in-hand with man and woman, that sits between man and woman on the bench in the park….and all those situations, man and woman wander about.

Mystery leads one to tangible & pulpable (i) Sense of wonderment (which is positive and heightens the whole aura of “being experimentative”, A few brave hearts take this less frequently trodden path, only to lie senseless after a few milestones), (ii) fear, (iii) irritable silence, (iv) anxiety, (v) listlessness and (vi) hate (such a profound performance by this emotion, which does vanishing act and balancing act with such an enviable aplomb). Being aware of, or having experienced such repercussions, most humans compromise to sleep with “feigned ignorance”. 

“Feigned ignorance” is an unparalleled movement, participants of which declare, across coffee tables, sauntering from one corner to the other corner in a hall, holding wine glasses, with so much ease, that it’s practically impossible for a man as a man to understand woman as woman and vice versa. Being a part of this wholesome, seemingly peaceful movement sure does is quite enjoyable an experience, the need, as felt, to view self as the conqueror of certain decisive battles has strengthened over a period of time amongst men and women. They also wanted to project their image of “being a preserver rather than a destroyer of relationships” and to receive accolades from the milieu how much delight they garner by keeping their respective relationship-mates or prospective ones pampered.

This resulted in the emergence of specific kind of literature –“raise your eyes, stare deep into your mate’s eyes unobtrusively and sink into the abyss”. Simplicity is alien a concept to me, but let me redefine this category of literature – “Steps to a Happy Relationship”, “Leapfrogging in Dating” etc etc…The show windows of bookstores display hearty, beaming, light-hearted titles promising early clouds, resplendent meadows in relationships for the needy men and women….

(CAUTION: Do not search for these whacky, eerish, crazy titles as they are part of my figmentation}

“Drench The Woman of Your Dreams”, “Beam with the Best Catch of Your Life”, “How to Make Your Man to Salivate Over You”, “How not to Play like Dumb like Bimbos {you could be one, but dnot splurge!}”, “Fuel to VroomVroom with Your Man” “The Essential Tool Box to Mend Differences”, “How to Avoid and Run far away from Deathly Dating Mistakes”, “How to Plant that First Kiss At the Right Angle”, “How to Stretch That Dinner With No Sense of Desperation”, “How to Make Men Leap at You”,  “How to Break the Match-box with Zero Guilt”, “How to Pry on Her Inner Thoughts – A Kaleidoscopic Preview”, “Know everything about Him – from his shirt button to his shoe-string”, “When to Open the Door, When to Shut the Door”, “Morning flirtation Vs Evening flirtation”, etc etc.

I wonder, does one really require such books? the ever-increasing number of books of such kind, the ever-increasing snippets on this critical issue in Magazines, Newspapers, Quizzes (you answer this whole set of Multiple questions, you know what needs to be done to repaint your bed-room) indicate people do need them badly. But how effective they are, how better equipped they make us for every kind of situation is a bit dubious. There are a few nagging factors :

a) each one of us tends to gather a grey-head, and become almost like a Pundit about relationships, after having gone through a couple of failed or mangled relationships. That means, the seasoned lovers would not consider such books or titles ? Therefore, who is buying or dying to read them ? Youger generations? they can solely not be the consuming class ? Does this mean this whole need to retain, manage relationships is evolving? Are women becoming more predictable and men are less predictable? Heightened sense of experimentation, coupled with increasing women working population have complicated the existing network of relationships, so people need more “Aunt Agony columns” and titles of such kind?

b) Most of these titles, am sure, are written post-intense research, interactions with victims, a few leaves and skeletons are pulled out of one’s closet as well. But each one of us is unique, each situation we face with the other person (who happens to be yet another unique person) is unique, then to what extent these so-termed effective, time-tested tools, mechanisms, tips come in handy? Life situations can never be tailor-made. If they are, why do people say Life itself is a higly revered teacher?

c) If we digest such books for managing or sustaining specific level of heat in the relationships, just like the tutorial classes we used to attend when we were striving hard to pass in exams (in brighter colors), what happens to this essential element termed as “Spontaneity”? So are not we almost like gizmos, robots that are designed to perform certain things or murmur certain words? so where is our armour of personality traits? even if I ignore all these, are not we Faking when we are demonstarting whatever we had learnt from the books, to the other person in a given situation? Faking is Bad, I know that You know it. And how long can we Fake? we get listless after a while, with our true self getting restless inside.

{dedicating this post to my new master Woody Allen}