They say, when you feel restless. Calm your mind. Let it absorb whatever’s happening around you.
The rustle of the newspaper being read by the dude sitting on the sofa. The background droning voice of the newspresenter on TV right behind me. Two used tea cups lying beside the screen of the computer. The ceramic twangs of the pool balls hitting each other on the table. The conversations of the pool players cracking jokes with each other. The view of the trees through the window right above the computer screen. The cars in the car park. The Grey Skies, the pitter patter of the rain drops. The green hue of the walls. The Diane Romanello painting hanging up on the wall.
The anticipation of a trip tonight. The plans formulated for it. The constant fight in my head to beat the apprehension related to it down into the dungeons where it can be safely locked away. The background of disquiet in my head after I read that mail. The consant whining at letting it affect me the way it has. The slow shaking of my head as I mull over it again. The knowledge that everything will be(hopefully) back to normal in a coupla hours.
Theres a green bush right outside the window. It’s leaves are trembling as the wind caresses them. The bush must be cold. I feel for it. I wish, I could tremble like that.
I wish I had a friend in the wind which would take my troubles away. A selfish thought. But human beings are selfish animals. Its all to do with ME ME ME. It starts there. And it ends there. I want a gun. I want to blow my brains out. They work so hard, that it becomes painful at times.
On a lighter note, I got a delivery today. Of books. Six of them. The other day. I thought, why not splurge on some reading material.
Try Flatland…….I read him in the moment many times.Patiently waited for him to say each word in such a crisp note that it resonates in the pores of my skin. A note from him who I never met. A note from him who I would never meet.